10 Better Sex Tips For The Modern Lovers
1. “Can I see your ID, sir?” – Make sure that when you are out on a ‘parking date’ in the middle of “Kalamazoo” make sure you have your ID on you because its highly likely that someone is going to call the cops and you are going to get carded no matter what. Oh yeah, be sure that you have that trusty old blanket with you because laying out all of your business to a cop could get you busted for indecent exposure.
2. “Busted!” – Do not go parking in the middle of the parking lot at the lake in the middle of the night when the car parked a few feet away from you is getting busted for drugs and alcohol. Man that ruins the mood. I am out of here.
3. “Ants Down Your Pants…” - If you are going to have a tryst in the woods be sure to bring that trusty old blanket because if the pine needles don’t get you the pile of ants that you just laid on might just bite. And you’ll definitely experience first-hand having “ants in your pants.” OUCH!
4. “Beer Goggles” - Be sure that that party that you were just at and the gorgeous guy that you just brought home, you met him before you started to drink. Otherwise in the morning when you wake up and this big greasy naked fat guy that just turned over and farted in your face is the father of your future child. I forgot to take The Pill!!!! NOT a good thing now…
5. “Oops…” - Make sure that the lotion that you are using for sexual arousal does not say “Do not use on mucus membrane,” Ouch!, that’s not the right cream you idiot!
6. “Love You Long Time…” – Only use a dimes worth of Chinese Shrink Cream otherwise he wont be getting in anytime soon. “Honey I thought you liked me tight?”
7. “Armed To The Teeth” – If you love to love on your mans joystick, watch your teeth because one little scratch can be a weeks worth of “I’m sorry” and no loving and playing with that joystick.
8. “One Minute Man/Woman” - Be sure that your new mate can last more than just five seconds because better sex lasts longer than it takes to untie your shoe.
9. “Turn OFF the ‘Boob Tube’, Turn Them ON” - Be sure that when your new mate and you are getting it on cheap porn playing in the background is not a turn on.
10. “You’ve Got A What?” – Be sure that the one that you are with has all the right parts in the right place because finding out the reason that you two did not have sex before marriage was not for “her” to save herself but for him not to tell you that
he was a dude.
These are just a few better sex tips for you to start with in this modern world. You never know what Love will bring you. Make sure that if in doubt wrap it twice for all you Horny guys and ladies just remember training a guy can be fun but make sure he does have some bedroom skills.
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